For those of you that don’t know, running form is important and can make a significant impact on how fast and how enjoyable your run will be. When I explain the importance of form to individuals who run with me for the first time I have several pointers: Run to conserve energy. Glide and don’t waste your energy on bouncing with every step. Keep your arms in and low-but move them because you need to stay loose. And of course my most important piece of advice-always look for trees and bushes along your path…in the event the chili you ate last night comes back to haunt you.
The following is another e-mail exchange between me and my sister Tyra when my own form was critiqued. My poor form had more to do with me overcompensating for my physical asymmetries. Once I got a heel lift in my shoe it made all the difference-but I still had to re-learn how to run “right.” Enjoy…
Dear Tyra,
Well I was thrown a cracker crumb. Not the full saltine. Just a crumb.
I was given the gift of running a single lap, a whole ¼ of a mile around a track while my physical therapist leered at me through her unconfirmed glass eye. Unconfirmed because I myself am unable to detect the fake with my own trained nurse’s eye. But this alleged glass eye has to be the cause of my newly discovered right shoulder slump today. Surely this new physical attribute compliments my newly diagnosed peg leg issue. Additionally, my running form lacks any symmetry whatsoever.
The therapist watched and commented on my running form as she slapped my gangly appendages into place. How unfortunate for me to not have a seizure disorder to blame my blatantly obvious physical handicaps on. It is by the grace of God, Tyra, you have not suffered more greatly in this shared life with me. How have you missed a sharp elbow to the lip? A finger to the eye? Crushing sensations while my body uncontrollably heaves itself toward you at any given moment? You have lived life with me while simultaneously escaping death.
Glass Eye Therapist (One Eyed Willa) told me that my pelvis is uncontrolled… “you have very little control of your pelvis.” Hmmm. My thought initially was… “Excuse me One Eye Willa-I have four kids…you just figured that one out? Where were you years ago in my youth?” She is good. And I am learning. I will be a woman of grace and poise someday.
No running for another week. But I get to ride my cool bike. If I manage to not flail and do the kickin’ chicken’ while riding myself into oncoming traffic…I might make it through these next few weeks of running celibacy. Until then…
Your Loving Sister with Natural Disabilities,
Peg
(Secret Mistress to Captain Jack Sparrow)
RESPONSE FROM LOVING AND SUPPORTIVE SISTER:
Your experience amuses me. Yes, I have laughed at your expense.
I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I never experienced your seizure disorder because you have been sleeping most of your life with your eyes half open. It is my educated belief that your penchant for sleeping with your eyes half open has somehow conditioned your brain to bypass the electrical surges that reveal a seizure disorder. Somehow, the electrical surges must have escaped to affect only the area of the brain that affects your pelvis. It is rare, but seizures can be localized to a certain part of your body. While I don't think you will at any point do the kicking chicken (I appreciate your pseudo medical terminology), you may break into a motion that is reminiscent of Jane Fonda's hip thrust work out video. Hopefully, this only happens in bed…or while you are by yourself.
In the event that your hips randomly thrust due to seizure activity, you can explain them away as back problems (people believe anything after you say that it is your back that is causing your problems), however, I would suggest you be much more proactive. "Borrow" some tie downs at work. Strap yourself to your chair (hopefully it is one that rolls) and commence working. For days that you are on the floor you can still use the tie downs, but will need to tie yourself to a board. A 2X4 that reaches roughly from your shoulder blades to the bottom of your ass would be sufficient. What we are after is stabilizing your hips so that the range of motion (i.e. arc of the hip thrust) is minimal. There. Problem solved.
Your right shoulder slump is caused from psychological issues. It is the preverbal "chip on the shoulder." Your psychological state is manifesting itself in physical impairments of your body. This requires much more than Willa can provide. While I might be a contender in supplying you with the help you need for your shoulder slumpage, I would suggest that you seek help with a professional that lives in your area. Additionally, since I am your younger sister, you would be more apt to actually listen and respect someone that is not related, and perhaps older than yourself. If you choose to utilize only Willa for your issues, you will just be doing something to cover up the symptoms, not actually treating the cause.
I will leave you to your thoughts now.
PS Pelvis is much easier to deal with than nipples. It is also much more appropriate to use in idle conversation and social situations.
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